De-Mystifying the Middle School Crisis

By Meghan Vivo

What happens to some children when they reach the middle school years? So many parents report that their son or daughter did well throughout elementary school and then took a turn for the worst in middle school. Does a switch turn off on a child’s 10th or 11th birthday?

According to Marcia Padgett, the Treatment Coordinator at New Leaf Academy of Oregon, a therapeutic boarding school for girls ages 10 to 14, a number of developmental, social, and academic factors may come together in the wrong way or at the wrong time during middle school to create “the perfect storm.” Below are just a few of the factors that may be contributing to your child’s emotional or behavioral struggles in middle school, as well as suggestions on what you can do to help.

Biological Factors

There are a few stages of childhood development during which the human brain produces an enormous number of neurons to prepare for the next stage of life, explains Padgett. One of those stages is as a toddler, and another is during the middle school years.

“The brain can swell to almost twice its size during the preteen and early adolescent years,” explains Padgett. “Middle school is a time for learning abstract concepts like geometry, navigating relationships, and thinking about future goals – all skills that require the brain to create new neural pathways as it prepares to absorb huge amounts of material in the transition into adulthood.”

A child who has an underlying emotional or behavioral problem may be able to manage her internal thoughts and conflicts during elementary school. But when the brain begins to change in early adolescence, those issues begin to emerge with greater force, particularly if the child lacks adequate coping skills. The child may appear highly functional in one stage, says Padgett, and then suddenly her world begins to fall apart as issues of low self-esteem, anger, and defiance are suddenly exposed.

Emotional and Psychological Factors

A number of emotional and psychological factors also play a role in the “middle school crisis.” As preteens progress toward high school, the standards for behavior and definitions of success start to change. Teachers, parents, and friends begin to expect a higher level of social and academic performance, and students who have struggled in the past or have barely gotten by may find it easier to give up than risk failure.

According to Padgett, if certain developmental stages haven’t been successfully completed before this age, it becomes very difficult for the child to make the step into adulthood. They simply aren’t ready.

For example, most children progress through a stage of narcissism in early childhood. During this period, youngsters develop an ego, but also begin to realize and accept that they are not the center of the world. If a child hasn’t completed this developmental stage, he may grow furious when things don’t go his way in middle school. Because a second natural stage of narcissism occurs during early adolescence, it is common for these types of issues, left over from the first stage of narcissism, begin to surface.

“The developmental stages are like a house the child is building,” says Padgett. “If she missed a stage or completed it unsuccessfully, there is a hole in first floor of her home. The child continues moving up toward the attic, but she keeps falling back to basement level because of the holes in her developmental learning. For awhile, she will perform like the 13-year-old she is, but then she suddenly falls back to 6-year-old behavior.”

Having a gap in a developmental stage does not mean a child should be diagnosed early on with a mood or personality disorder, warns Padgett. Instead, steps need to be taken to satisfy those developmental needs in preparation for the next stage of growth.

Middle school is also a time when the question, “Who am I separate from my family and friends” becomes more pronounced. On one hand, the child wants to be like her friends, but on the other hand she wants to define herself and become her own person. This dichotomy can be confusing to a preteen.
 
“Early adolescence tends to be a very codependent age,” explains Padgett. “Friendships move to the forefront of a child’s life, so children with learning disabilities, emotional issues, and social deficiencies may really feel the impact now.”

When a child loses confidence in his ability to rise up to the standards others have set for him – possibly because of past traumas or emotional issues, or because he never developed the skills to cope with life’s demands – his sense of self collapses and he cannot make the natural transition into adulthood without help.

Academic Factors

Middle school-aged children are being pulled in many directions all at once, says Padgett. The responsibility to define their personal identity, satisfy parental expectations, make and keep friends, experiment with interactions with the opposite sex, and cope with a range of biological changes are suddenly thrust upon them.

Add to these stressors the need to focus and perform well at school and it’s not surprising that some preteens give up entirely, or become angry at themselves and the world. For many youngsters, academic struggles or failures can be “the nail in the coffin.” They may try to hide the fact that something is wrong by lying or blaming someone or something other than themselves. They may act out by disrespecting authority figures, or they may isolate themselves and turn away from the people and activities they used to enjoy. In order to succeed socially and personally, they may need a high level of academic support to fill in any knowledge gaps or address any underlying learning disabilities.

How to Help a Struggling Preteen

Because parents of struggling middle schoolers have the opportunity to observe problems and take action early on, there is a lot that can be done to get the child back on track in time for high school.

Early intervention is a key predictor of a successful outcome. Rather than waiting for your preteen to act out by experimenting with drugs or sexual promiscuity (which are more likely to occur during high school), recognize that the underlying damage is happening right now, in the preteen years. The more a child acts out, the lower her self-worth becomes, which makes any future interventions that much less effective.

So what is a concerned parent to do? First, Padgett recommends that parents work to create predictability and structure in the home. “Consistency creates a sense of predictability for the entire family,” she explains. “Even though teens resist structure because it means less freedom, it’s important for parents to hold the line and set clear rewards and consequences for their child.”

One of the most common mistakes parents make is rescuing their child from learning important life lessons. “Just like adults, sometimes children need to experience some discomfort in order to learn,” says Padgett. “The child may not always get what she wants, but she needs to know that her parents will be there for her whether she’s happy or unhappy – but they won’t fix all of her problems for her.”

If you have tried repeatedly to help resolve the issues your child is facing, but don’t see any signs of progress, recognize that you may not be able to meet your child’s developmental needs on your own. Then seek out information about the programs and resources available to help.

Children who “get stuck” in an earlier developmental stage or who are beginning to struggle with family, friends, or school during middle school need a safe, supportive, and structured environment where they can go back and learn the lessons they previously missed, explains Padgett. Whether the child needs time to play or ride bikes, practice making friends, an academic curriculum that fills in any gaps in knowledge, or some other intervention, she is likely to find what she needs at New Leaf Academy of Oregon.

New Leaf is a private boarding school that specializes in working with preteen girls struggling with the issues that commonly arise in middle school. Students learn from each other in an open, non-judgmental peer environment. Through individual and group therapy, they begin to talk about their feelings and receive feedback and support from staff and other students.

Girls at New Leaf also learn new ways to approach their family relationships and develop compassion and responsibility by being assigned to care for their own bunny. “Our students have the rare opportunity to go back and re-experience some of the developmental stages they may have struggled with and complete them more successfully,” says Padgett.

With individualized guidance, New Leaf students start to define themselves, learn to have fun, and regulate their emotional responses while fine-tuning their coping skills and developing newfound confidence. As the struggling preteens make progress toward an age-appropriate level of development, they begin to rely less on external praise and support and more on their own skills and abilities. To learn more about what New Leaf Academy of Oregon can do for you and your family, call (877) 820-5050 or visit www.newleafacademy.com.